


Sometimes it's good to talk

by Mikan42



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Lost siblings, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, REALLY slow, infirmary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-16
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-25 15:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2626358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikan42/pseuds/Mikan42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nico and Will talk alone in the infirmary, because that's where people go when they hurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes it's good to talk

“Will, I've got a question.” He asked from the bed where he had spent the last two days sleeping in. They were alone in the infirmary, the last patient having been released that same morning and the rest of the Apollo kids moving back to the cabin shortly after. Will had decided to stay behind, letting his siblings get some much earned rest. “What were you doing out in the battlefield?

“Huh? What do you mean Nicks?”

“You're a medic, aren't you?” Nico asked, absentmindedly scratching at his bandaged arm. The wound was still refusing to heal and the salve they had applied to it seemed to only succeed in making him itch. “Shouldn't you have been here in the infirmary? Getting ready to treat the wounded?”

Nico looked up, and Will looked down, avoiding his gaze. He scratched the back of his head before sitting in the empty chair next to his bed.

“Truth is, I didn't want to be here. Not while everyone else was fighting. I,...” He stayed silent for a few seconds before continuing. “During the first battle we lost Lee, you know? Lost him to a giant cause he couldn't get his slow ass out of the way fast enough and that club smashed his skull in.” Will continued to avoid his eyes, preferring to look at his hands instead. “I remember my siblings just staring at the body and not understanding and Mike and me trying anything we could think of and Lee just, dead.”

Nico looked down at his hands as well. They had started to shake, but he didn't comment. The truth was he didn't remember Lee, not when he was alive at least. The little he knew about him had been a brief conversation before his soul entered Elysium and rumors heard on the grapevine.

“And then all of the sudden we had set up a medical camp in Manhattan. Michael told me I was in charge of treating the wounded, that if Jackson wasn't going to get his ass in gear then he was going to go and win the war for us.” He grinned, his eyes becoming glassy with unshed tears. “And I believed him. He was the best archer in camp. He could hit targets I couldn't even see, bulls eye, every time, right in the middle! I trusted him, he'd been taking care of me since I was eight, always going behind Lee's back to give us cookies when we didn't deserve it. Kept us up late with his stories while Lee was in the big house, helped us with the instruments and the poetry. Lee would teach us how to work the healing magic, but Michael was the one that taught us what it meant to be a son of Apollo. So he told me that I had to be ready with the nectar and the bandages for when he came back and off he went. Same goofy smile on his face.”

“And he didn't come back” Nico stated, watching as Will ran his hands through his hair. Tears beginning to fall. Nico didn't remember Michael at all, he had spoken to many passing demigods that night. The faces had all blurred together much too soon.

“No, he didn't come back.”

They were both silent and Nico pretended he didn't see how shaken up Will was. Somehow his hand had acted on its own accord and ended up on Will's shoulder, gently rubbing it in an attempt of soothing him.

“When we lost Lee I became Michael's shadow. He couldn't even go to the bathroom without me following him there.” He confessed, let out a gasping laugh that sounded like he was choking. He leaned forward, crossing his arms on the bed and putting his head in them. Nico knew he was isolating himself from the world, he'd done it many times too. “And then all of the sudden he wasn't. I was the oldest, the new head counselor. I was the one everyone in the cabin looked to for answers and all I wanted to do was scream at them to leave me alone, to cry and throw things and to tell them to let me mourn my brothers in peace. But you can't really do that to a bunch of kids that are already crying their eyes out, can you? So I threw myself at my studies, became obsessed with healing, cause I suck with a bow and I can't hold a sword to save my life, but I was always good at healing. But, everyone was so tense here and I thought maybe,...”

“That doesn't explain why you did it. It was still a stupid thing to do, running into battle without a weapon, trying to distract those Romans without a plan.” Nico's voice was steady, but he could feel the rage begging to be unleashed. Will raised his head, looking him in the eyes for the first time since the conversation begun. “You shouldn't have been there Will, you should have waited until the battle was more advanced. You're a combat medic, not a front row soldier.”

“What, so I had to stay back and twiddle my thumbs while everyone around me fought?” He asked angrily, but Nico kept his own glare in place. Eventually Will's face softened and he turned away once more. He tried ignoring the boy in the bed, but the silence was beginning to get uncomfortable.“It's coach Hedge's fault, actually.” He answered. “He said you and Reyna were coming. Said you and Reyna had a plan, a way of saving both the camp and the Romans. And I believed him. I wanted it to be true. I swore to myself that I wouldn't bury any more brothers, so I did the same thing Mike did: grabbed the first two willing friends and went to win a war.”

“You could have gotten yourself killed Will.”

“This coming from Mr 'I'll just shadow puddle to Octavian's side so I can angrily slosh at him'?” Will snorted through a blocked nose. He attempted to smile which only irritated Nico more.

“No! I'm not the best example, I get it. When Bianca,... didn't come back. I did some pretty stupid things. Things that I look back on now and they scare me. People I trusted when I should have known better, decisions I took that were so selfish they make me sick. So I get it! But you still shouldn't have done that!”

“What are you talking about Nico? You saved us all! In all the battles we faced, if you hadn't shown up we'd all be dead. All of us. You're a hero Nico!” Will wasn't sure when he had started raising his voice but something in the other demigod's tone scared him. He was glad they were alone in the infirmary. 

“No. I'm no hero.” Nico whispered, looking at his hands. “I may have saved everyone, but those,... That wasn't my goal.”

“What do you mean?”

They were silent for a long time, Nico avoiding Will's gaze, eyes turning from his hands to focus on the window on other side of the room.

“I had a crush on Percy” He admitted, his shoulders sagging. “And that's... all. The whole story. I didn't care about the war, I didn't care who won or lost, or how many died. I just wanted Percy to be safe. So I convinced him to bathe in the Styx, convinced him to be invincible, convinced dad to go to war, anything to make sure he survived. And when he disappeared, even though I already knew he belonged to Annabeth I searched everywhere. Got myself into some pretty bad messes a couple of times.” It was Nico's turn to laugh without humor, his chest trembling as he drew his legs up and surrounded them with his arms, trying to make himself smaller.

Will stared at him, stunned. Suddenly many things started making sense in his head, and many others made no sense at all.

“And then I found him.” He murmured into his arms, burrowing into himself just as Will had done before. “I thought I was dreaming, that day in New Rome. Thought I'd actually gone mad, but there he was. And he didn't recognize me. Didn't remember me.”

“But he remembered Annabeth.” Will said in a matter-of-fact tone. He had heard the story, and something that had seamed the pinnacle of romance know felt like a kick to the stomach.

“Yeah, he remembered Annabeth. I think that's when I knew, knew he wasn't ever going to” Nico paused, looking for the right word, losing himself in thought more than once. “Going to notice me. But by then it was too late. I was too devoted to, whatever it was. Him? The cause? The prophecy? Keeping Hazel safe? Helping dad? I don't know. I just know that spying on the giants was the only idea that made sense. I was the only one that could pull it off and all I had to do was send a skeleton to Hazel with the information I had gathered. Keep it moving long enough for her to get the intel and it'd be worth it. Didn't matter what happened to me afterward.”

Will's eyes widened at his words, but he kept silent, not wanting to interrupt him. He felt better now, after talking. The wound his brothers had left wasn't completely healed, it would never be, but talking made him feel less raw. He hoped it was the same for Nico. And he was also curious, the little information he had been able to get out of Hedge during his wife's labor now seemed insufficient. 

“When I fell into, that place.” Nico stopped to take a few breaths before continuing. “Into Tartarus. That was the only thing that kept me going, you know? Get out, send message, then die.” A huff, he was annoyed at himself and the hold on his knees tightened. “Except it was a trap. I should have known, but I was so glad to be rid of that place that I didn't see the giants until one had his hand around my neck.”

He clamped up after saying that, his hand shaking as they reached up to rub at the phantom bruises on his neck. They had faded over the trip on the Argo II, mostly because of Hazel's insistence of hand feeding him ambrosia until his starved stomach threatened to throw up. But some nights he could still feel the giants hands on him, choking him, pining him to the wall while the other beat him, breaking him before actually throwing him in the jar and letting starvation and asphyxiation do the rest of their work for them. 

And all the while knowing that they were coming for him, that they were walking into a trap because he hadn't been smart enough to send a skeleton with the whereabouts of the doors before being captured. 

“I'm sorry.” Nico mumbled, he hadn't realized he had started shaking. Nor had he realized that he was in the exact same position he had adopted while stuck in the jar. “you don't have to listen to this.”

“I just cried my eyes out about my brothers minutes ago, so don't apologize. It'll just make me feel worse. Gods, after everything you've been through I just,...” Nico stopped hearing his voice as his shaking got harder, his body twisted into a ball and small broken sobs escaping his lips. Everything was dark, there wasn't any air and in his mind Percy, his hero, was falling. Falling and falling to that place where there was so much death and it was all his fault. No matter how many times Hazel told him it wasn't, he knew deep down it was his fault. They had come to rescue him, and this was how he repaid them. How he repaid him. If only he had stretched his hand out more. If only he hadn't been so terrified of falling again. If only he hadn't been so weak.

Nico's breathing was erratic, no matter how hard he tried the air wasn't going in his lungs. Just like in the jar every breath felt stale and cold and used and dead. He was going to suffocate, and his mind kept telling him that he deserved it. Now there wasn't a need to stay alive. He didn't have a mission, he couldn't offer important information in exchange for his life. He wasn't worth saving this time. 

The panic kept rising, his nails digging harder into his arms until they broke skin and the bandages started to unravel. Images of Tartarus kept going through his head, monsters and pain and that laughing mocking voice that had plagued his dreams for weeks.

“Nico you have to breathe” Another familiar voice said. He tried to do it, taking a small gulp of breath that didn't make it past his throat. “That's it, now let it go” It hurt his chest, but he pushed that nonexistent air out of his lungs. “Good, now in again” A little more air made it in, not enough, just more. “Perfect, now out.” His chest didn't hurt as much this time. “In” The voice said, dragging out the word in time with his breath. “And out, one more time”. Nico lost track of time, the only thing that existed was the voice that was teaching him how to breathe again. He didn't notice the hand firmly stroking his back until a lot later, nor the fact that Will had climbed on the bed and had him cradled against his chest as he kept speaking in the same soothing tone.

“Nico you're not alone.” Will said into his hair, the words reverberating in his chest. “You're safe here, we won't let anything hurt you. I won't let anything hurt you here. You're a hero but you don't have to fight anymore, everything is alright, you saved everyone, it's all over. Now you can relax, everyone is safe, they're safe thanks to you and now we can all keep everyone safe.” He kept repeating the words over and over. Even when he calmed down Will kept talking, lowering the volume a bit but not letting go of the boy in his arms. “I'm the one that should say sorry, I guess I was a little brash when I told you to stay here, when we were in the battlefield. I was scared you'd fade away, that you'd just disappear. I just wanted to help. I'm sorry, but please let me help you, let me be here. I´m right here Nico, you're not alone please stay here.”

Nico nodded, breaking out of the trance Will's words had put him under. He looked up at him, his eyes red and his lip trembling, but feeling safer than he had in a long time. Awkwardly he returned the one sided embrace, too tired to try to pull away.

“I'm sorry, I should have been more careful. About what I was saying. I didn't mean to upset-” He was cut off by Nico shaking his head.

“It's ok, to cry about your brothers.” He whispered into his shoulder. “I still cry about Bianca. Sometimes. I'm glad you told me.”

“I'm glad you told me too.”

They were silent for a very long time, not really caring about the world as they forgot to measure the minutes. Will was the first to break the silence, rousing Nico from his almost sleep.

“Chiron started doing this thing last year, we could just go up to him and talk in the big house about everything and he'd help us out. You know, to deal? I didn't go last year cause I was busy being the new counselor after,... After Lee and Mike died.” He said firmly, his mouth set at a grimace as he said it but after a few moments his face softened. “But Austin and Kayla went, just to talk about them with Chiron. Cecil said he was just tagging along with Connor that one time, cause Travis couldn't go and Con didn't want to go alone, but he kept going for a while after that. With the Stolls or on his own, you know? He said it helped, to talk about Luke with someone that wants to listen.”

“You want me to go talk with Chiron?” Nico asked, his defenses flying upward again as he carefully untangled himself from the other’s embrace. 

“No” Will said, getting off the bed but staying close by. “What I wanted to say is, I'm going to start going to talk with Chiron. And I was thinking, maybe you'd like to come.” He scratched the back of his head. “I mean, you don't have to come, if you don't want to. Or you can come and not talk, if you don't feel ready. It's just that, I think there are a lot of things I'm worried about. My brothers, the Camp, everyone that comes in sick, the ones that didn't make it, dad, the future. Maybe talking helps me out? I don't know, but I think it's worth a try.”

Nico was silent as he made himself comfortable in the bed again, all the while pondering the idea. He chewed on his lower lip, thinking it over until his head began to hurt.

“What if something like what happened before happens again when I start talking?”

“Then it's better if there's someone with you, right?” Will wanted to say it was better if he was with him, if something like that happened again. But that seemed selfish.

Nico nodded, because he had suddenly realized that he was exhausted and his eyes were closing. His brain wasn't offering any more complaints and instead insisted that it would be a good idea, it would let him spend more time with Will.

He liked spending time with Will.

“Ok” He mumbled, his eyes fighting to stay open and losing. “But I don't know if I'll talk though” He was asleep before he closed his eyes.

“Thank you, it means a lot to me.” Will told him, a radiant smile on his face. “And, thanks for listening too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Right, so I had the same question Nico asked Will and it kinda just evolved from there. I would REALLY like to hear your opinions on the matter. I know that there are lot of fluffy solangelo things out there (I've written my fair share) but this idea wouldn't leave my mind.
> 
> All open to debate, how far fetched do you think this scenario is? Please leave a comment! :D


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